The Fear of Losing

The psychological impact of losing anything,
 has been shown to be twice as powerful as the pleasure of gaining.

by Michael Corthell

When your relationship is solid, that is fulfilling, stable and healthy, there is really nothing to fear. But, fear has its way of slipping into our minds, and causing us to visualize negative outcomes. If we imagine a loss, we feel the loss.

''I hold it true, whate'er befall;
I feel it, when I sorrow most;
'Tis better to have loved and lost
Than never to have loved at all.''
—Alfred Lord Tennyson

One thing to note here before we get into coping with loss of love. The fear of the loss of love, is closely akin to the fear of losing money. Economists have identified loss aversion as a major factor in money management and employment decisions. Research has found that most people would rather avoid losing money than increase income. The psychological impact of losing(anything) has been shown to be twice as powerful as the pleasure of gaining. The Fear of Loss is a very powerful master. It is also good to remember then, what the love of money is the root of.

Let's just say this from the beginning, it is always better to love than not to love, but love consumes us, love hurts us , and love heals itself and us. 

How then, do we cope with the fear of the loss of love?

Understand that loss, like change, is a given, it is part of life. You will lose many loved ones during your lifetime. It is inevitable.

Accept that you can't control everything. Do as the serenity prayer advises, ''God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, Courage to change the things I can, And wisdom to know the difference.'' Truth. Wisdom.

Know that you have the ability to cope. The crisis of loss will come, but you know that you will get up again and find the strength and courage to survive.

Know and understand the value of life. One reason we value life so much is that it is finite. Everything in our lives is more valuable because we can lose it. Savor and enjoy the time you have with the people you love.  Live purposefully with the courage to show and express love. Create good memories.

Keep a journal. Write down your fears. Expression of fear dilutes fear. Writing is a safe emotional outlet and will diminish fear's power over you.

It is a fact that loss is an inevitable part of life. We will all be faced with multiple losses during our years. This doesn’t mean that you have to lose time by worrying about loss. You have ways to cope and diminish the fear and anxiety with the thought of a potential loss. Then you can focus on the good things in life by developing meaningful relationships without the fear of losing them.

Nobody can, with surety, predict the future. Why not enjoy and LOVE all that life does have to offer right now, in the present?  Hug the ones you love and be grateful.

Finally, as an observation we may have noticed this(and it has a lot to do with gratitude):

Hoarding: Some people accumulate things to combat the fear of losing everything.
Gambling: Some gamble to accumulate to combat the fear of losing everything.
Spending: Some overspend accumulate to combat the fear of losing everything.
Drinking: Some drink to give them courage to combat the fear of losing everything.

The irony here is that a persons overreaction to their fear of losing everything might just cause them to lose everything. There is another, more healthy way of dealing with the fear of losing everything;

When we struggle with the fear of losing everything, we can overcome our fear by things away. The less a person has, the less they'll fear losing anything. The less we have, the more willing we are to be helpful to others.

Letting go of the excesses in life, letting go of our pridefulness. Letting go of our love for money, and live for the love of life itself.


What I Learned from Loss

by Elaine Mansfield